August 3, 2004
Monkeys 1, Terrorists 0
Despite all the precautions taken against terrorism yesterday, not a thing was being done about a much more imminent threat: ferocious monkeys in Key Foods. A "service monkey" helping out a differently-abled man bit a 2-year-old boy in a Brooklyn grocery store yesterday, leaving everyone involved a bit stunned. The vic's grandma recounts her train of thought: "I said, 'Oh, my God — what's that tail? It's a monkey! What's a monkey doing in a Key Food?'" Um, getting lunch?
The victim's other relatives were less sanguine: "I'll open my hand and bitch-slap you and the monkey," one male relative reportedly told the monkey's owner, Steve Seidler.
It seems like the psychological impact of the event on the participants is more severe than the physical. The boy suffered just "a small bite," but he's got a new phobia that will probably stay with him for the rest of his life.
Seidler isn't doing too well either: "I'm scared they'll do something to me or take away my monkey," he said. "This monkey is my life."
In addition to terrorists, much attention has been paid lately to robots rising up against their masters -- the Matrix movies, Terminator 3, I, Robot, etc., but maybe that's made us blind to a threat we've ignored since Biblical times (unless you count a few Fox Network specials): what if the animals rise up? This monkey attack, coming on the heels of that escaped circus tiger in Queens, might be part the earliest phase of a co-ordinated action. We better start running all those human-educated animals through re-education before all this training comes back to bite us. Literally.
categories:
Animals,
Brooklyn
posted by adm at August 3, 2004 4:49 PM
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